• Amy O'Hana

An Unfamiliar Bed

Waking up in an unfamiliar bed, I felt it. 

It was dawn, and the sun-prince was sneaking through the misty cove like a child playing hide-and-seek. The egrets blinking their sleepy eyes awake - or perhaps signing off their night watch - in alternating rhythm with the toll of the lighthouse miles away. Finally, a vacation at the Oregon coast, and the majestic scene made me feel more like a queen than I had in … forever.  

Those moments brought up something deep from within me, like a trapped air bubble shooting upwards and breaking on the surface. An ache that, for me, is my deepest life-longing. It is the beckoning of my faceless lover - the Fire that sparks my soul - who says Amy, pay attention to me. How long has it been since we connected? 

I finally listened. It had been awhile. 

I closed my eyes and breathed it in. And then I opened my eyes, peaceful, joyous. I was filled with light and love; I was fueled with energy for my day. The ache was gone; it was eased by simply being and allowing the royal Presence to enter me and become my own. It was the oneness that beckoned me, touched me and pulled me in, so that I could become. 

Being to become.

I had no human lover with me there, in my bed. And yet, those moments were wholly erotic. 

This is the erotic - the longing to reconnect with Something that holds you, sees you, and passionately wants you. Something that makes you beautiful through its own beauty. Something that touches you, so perfectly, in places you didn’t know you desired. And through this consummation, you release, experience bliss, and become the very best version of you. 

You can breathe. You can smile. You can work. You can love. 

Being is who you are. Becoming is who you are with others.

In Western culture we’ve tainted this word, erotic. I’ve scoured the thesaurus and I can’t find another word that better describes what I experienced that morning. We’ve made the erotic about sex, when the experience of eros love-energy is so much more than buying lacy lingerie and stocking up on condoms. 

And how sad, because erotic moments are some of life’s most beautiful. As women, we deny the erotic, repress it, cut it off - or embrace it only within the sexual. Thus we fragment this sacred part of ourselves, leaving it to enjoy only while on vacation. 

No wonder we are tired. 

Perhaps it’s time to wake up in an unfamiliar bed?

Amy O'Hana is a writer and a teacher. Find her and other posts like this one on the web at amyohana.com

Copyright 2020